X, Y and dairy products
by UnluckyAmulet
Summary: Algebra and knuckleheads do not mix. Especially when Osaka thinks there's a conspiracy in her maths book, Tomo becomes obsessed with mice and Kagura gets a taste of what it's like to be Yomi. Oneshot.


Disclaimer: I do not own Azumanga Daiooooh!

Just a silly little oneshot to get me out of a writing funk. Rated T for some swearing.

Enjoy!

* * *

It was REALLY difficult to concentrate on algebra that day.

"Ahdungeddit." whined Tomo for the millionth time, slumping crossly in her chair, the words 'I don't get it' mish-mashing together into that single phrase. Swinging her legs, Tomo shot a look at the clock, which was still stubbornly indicating they were only twenty minutes into the lesson. Alright, seventeen minutes. The point is, they were bored. And three bored knuckleheads spelled trouble.

"Quit that." Kagura complained at Tomo's left, one hand rapidly scribbling out an equation that had somehow gone wrong, "You keep moving the desk!"

"Why do you care, anyway? You're not doing much better than me." sang Tomo, her voice a slightly off-pitch sing-song mess.

Kagura wondered vaguely if Tomo's linguistic skills were melting along with the rest of her brain. Algebra seemed to have that effect on her. (Actually, so did quite a few things.) Osaka seemed to be experiencing similar motions, as she was staring at a hole in her desk with an expression that indicated she might just look at it like that for the rest of the day.

"You know..." Osaka said, slowly. "I don't think it's fair..."

"Oh, god." Kagura said. Whether it was because her desk was now literally _covered_ in little bits of eraser or she was dreading Osaka's question was anybody's guess.

"...that words're climbin' into my maths book an' sayin' strange things."

"...Huh?" Tomo asked, rocking her head on her outstretched arms and looking to her right, her eyebrows rising.

"Yeah." Osaka went on dreamily, as Tomo's legs continued to swing beneath the desk, her socks slipping down her calves. "See?"

Osaka tilted her maths book sideways. Tomo peered at it.

"F...R...I...D...G...E?" she recited, eyes darting to the letters that Osaka had circled in little circles. So far, it looked like alegebra had been completely forgotten about.

Osaka nodded seriously. Tomo examined the other letters she had circled.

"...Mice?" Tomo said.

"I think there's a conspiracy in my math's book." Osaka announced, seriously.

Tomo frowned, and then scrunched up her nose. Then did some kind of weird thing with her eyes. It took Kagura a few minutes to realise that this was supposed to be Tomo's "thinking face". On Monday, she had announced she was trying out new faces. Yomi had then banged her head on the table and tried to drown herself in her chocolate pudding. At least, that's what it LOOKED like she had been doing...

"FUCK!" Kagura screamed in frustration, as her eraser tore a gigantic hole in her paper. She had been so distracted by Tomo and Osaka and their nonsensical babble, she had forgotten what she was doing.

Everyone turned and stared at the tanned girl with mildly shocked faces. Tomo laughed uproariously. The teacher stared at her.

"Kagura-san, that language is not appropriate." she chided.

"Sorry..." Kagura muttered, fighting the urge to just sink into the floor.

Once the class had recovered from their brief shock and resumed working, the teacher sighed and went back to...well, whatever it was she was doing. She had told the class how do solve the first equation on page two hundred and ten, and then left them to it. This seemed a little reckless of her, to say the least.

"Fridge...and mice?" muttered Tomo ponderously, frowning. "Mice and Fridge? What does that MEAN?"

If Yomi, Chiyo or possibly even Sakaki had been there, they probably would have mentioned to the knuckleheads that it wasn't a code, it was a random assortment of letters. However, they were in a different maths class (one for people without concentration issues, presumably) and Kagura was currently too hot and embarrassed to use the logical portion of her brain, however small it was. Although it was certainly sizeable compared to the ones her fellow knuckleheads seemed to have.

Tomo started to doodle mice on the back of her maths book, her tongue poking out in concentration. Kagura groaned quietly to herself and shifted. Her chair squeaked and Tomo promptly burst into a fit of (extremely loud) giggles.

Teacher looked up again, warily.

"Takino-san, please try to control yourself."

This was a silly thing to say, as Tomo's idea of controlling herself was equally as ridiculous as whatever it was that had set her off in the first place, and she responded to the teacher's request by stuffing her fist into her mouth in an attempt to stifle the giggles.

The teacher let it go. Probably thought it was more peaceful that way.

* * *

Somehow, through some kind of divine intervention, the three knuckleheads managed to get through a whole hour of maths without dying of boredom, although Kagura thought that her will to live had shrunk somewhat since she had entered the classroom. The smell of food wafting towards her as she, Tomo and Osaka headed towards the cafeteria did manage to perk her up a bit, however. There was no sign of any of their friends, though, so the trio promptly grabbed the table nearest to them and slumped dramatically into their chairs.

"That was awful." grumbled Kagura, stabbing a hole into her milk carton with slightly too much vigour. Osaka was busy concentrating on breaking her chopsticks into two perfectly even pieces, something that seemed to have become an odd ritual for her. "I hate maths." continued Kagura, taking a pull from her straw.

"Cheese!" Tomo suddenly shouted, triumphantly as she tugged the lid off her lunchbox and peered inside, making her two friends twitch slightly, startled.

"It looks more like salami to me..." Kagura said, squinting at the contents of Tomo's lunchbox.

"Cheese?" repeated Osaka, as Tomo continued to smile as though she had broken a Guinness World Record. Making Absolutely No Goddamn Sense seemed like an appropriate title.

"Yeah! Mice...fridge...mice like cheese...you keep cheese in the fridge?" elaborated Tomo, like this made perfect sense.

A silence ensued at the table.

"Have you been thinking about that ever since Osaka brought it up in maths?" Kagura asked Tomo.

Tomo nodded.

"Yeah!"

Kagura thought about this.

"Yay!" announced Osaka cheerfully, holding out her chopsticks, which she had successfully snapped into two split pieces.

Kagura glanced at Tomo, who was now furiously trying to twist off the cap on her lemonade.

"Why would our school subliminally message us about cheese?" Kagura asked, feeling as though this question had to be asked.

Tomo shrugged, as though she had already moved on from the conversation, uncapping her drink apparently being much more interesting.

"Because we're not getting enough calcium or something? How should I know?"

Kagura promptly face-planted into the table. Osaka and Tomo looked at her.

"Huh. That's the second person to do that this week." remarked Tomo, with the air of one commenting on the weather.

She poked Kagura with one of the chopsticks. Osaka nodded, rather vaguely, taking a bite of her sandwich.

"Must be the pudding."

* * *

Reviews would be lovely, as always!


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